I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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