I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
