she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize