yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
