do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
