Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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