im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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