I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
