I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
