You smell like a Billy Joel song
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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