Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
