Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
