porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
