Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
