I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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