i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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