between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Randomize
