Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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