Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
