You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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