I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
