I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
