If that was your dad, he is hot
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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