Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
