Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
