booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
