I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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