FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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