im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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