Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
