i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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