she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
