I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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