Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
