I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
