Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
