I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
