thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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