areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
