I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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