Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
