If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
