I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
