I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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