A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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