the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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