woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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