How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
