Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
