I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
