Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
