eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
