I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
