You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
