This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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