she looked like the before picture.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
