How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
