what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize