sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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