Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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