Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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