This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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