I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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