is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
