she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
