Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's great music for shaving your balls
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
