she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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