peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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