Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
