Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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