just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
