He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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