My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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