Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
