What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
