I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
