Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
