sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
