We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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