Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
