Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
