just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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