If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
