So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
