The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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