My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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